When you know

Last week I was never wanting to step foot in Korea. I was banking on getting a job in Olympia, and that would be that - I would live the rest of my life in Olympia, be happy, single, working towards owning a house, moving up the ladder while being employed with the state, etc. I would eventually find a church, maybe find a gal to marry and have kids, etc. I was afraid as hell to let go of this town last week. And, once again in a matter of three weeks, I am back on the path of setting my feet in a foreign land doing what I was meant to do: teach.

Why the change of heart? I asked my sister last week, as well, what she thought I should do. Her response: "Is moving to Korea a career move?" I answered no at the time. But now that I have had a number of job offers and have looked at things more closely, I now see it as a career. Also, fear subsided. As Piter De Vries from Dune would say, "Fear is the mind killer. I set my min in motion..." And as the Lord says: Fear God alone. I will probably go through a bout of fear again... it seems to come in waves, about a week apart. I wonder where my fear will be when I am ready to board the plane? But I am starting to figure out who I am, who I am to be and what I am to do. I already know what I have. That much is clear.

I think it's important for all of us to consider what we are and what we have before we figure out what to do. And that is what this whole process is all about.

What I am:
I am a child of the Most High, purchased and redeemed by Jesus Christ
I am a Christian
I am a man of God who struggles still with this earthly body (I still do what I don't want to do).
I am a man that needs to allow God to have his way with me.
I am a man with gifts of whom the Father has given him.
I am a man responsible for these gifts.
I am a world traveler.
I am a lifelong learner.
I am a teacher.


What I have:
I have Jesus.
I have salvation.
I have a Teacher, a Mentor, and a Friend.
I have family and friends that love me.
I have a God who has gone before me in all I do.
I have a great education and professors and alumni that I count as close friends.
I have eyes that can see and ears that can hear.
I have faith, not even the size of a mustard seed.

I don't consider these a mantra or anything of the sort. If they were, they'd hang on my mirror and I would repeat them 10x every morning and night. Rather, they are merely the truth, things of which I forget. Perhaps I should print them out and place them in areas where I look on a continual basis. I am living proof of how one can view oneself in a mirror and in a split second forget exactly what I look like prior to that view. Maybe I should gaize longer, looking further into myself and contemplating the greatness of God in my life.

I consider, too, who I would like to be. A very good friend of mine recently asked his friends and family this question. After we all answered, he summed it up quite beautifully in front of his family and friends. These were the most humble of words I ever heard come fromt the mouth of a good, Godly man. He simply said: I wish I could be who I am sometimes all the time. Ditto, Mr. Beeson. I, too, want that in my life. The longer I breathe, the more I realize how much more I need and want to be like the one with whom I yearn for.