I have been struggling with many things lately. It doesn't help that I am not a patient person, either. For the first time in my life I am unemployed, laid off since October 30th, 2007. Since November 1st, 2007, I have applied for over 40 jobs, most of which I am overqualified for thereby not getting a phone call. That's the funny thing about Olympia. You can bank on getting a job pouring espresso, lifting hay bails, etc. but I make more on unemployment than I would otherwise. Then there's state jobs. I have applied for many, and so far I have had 1 interview. The L & I department I was interviewing for would have hired me except that the supervisor was told by her supervisor to hire from within the office. Such is the style of getting hired at the state. It's who you know and how long you can hold out for a position. No biggy. And, no, I'm not a slacker or someone who doesn't like to work. Quite the contrary. I love working. I love people. I have loved going to work ever since I started working back when I was 15 (except for one job that I had about a year ago... when you can't stand the sight of your supervisor, you are going to feel the same about your job, too). My first job was at Baskin Robins. It's the only job where I was fired. I was caught eating ice cream in the walk-in freezer. The next day I was looking at the schedule and found my name not to be there and a note with my name on it. I opened the note. It simply read, "Chad, I don't think you are going to fit here." Oh, the shame that I felt, especially in front of my peers. At the time it taught me a lesson: if you are going to sneak food from the restaurant you work at, do it when no one is looking. I moved on and got a job at a pizzeria. And so life went on.

But to get back to the point I'm trying to make in this blog, I am at a crossroad in my life where I am sensing a thorough "doneness" with Seattle, Olympia, Western Washington, actually, America as a whole. I am sincerely being called out of here. Yes, I've been in prayer about this. A close friend asked me, "Have you been praying for God's will?" Maybe not in those exact words, but it went something like this: "God! What do you want me to do? I am not fitting here! Why did you place within my heart a desire to teach? And why am I not teaching? WHY DID THINGS END UP AS THEY HAVE ENDED UP? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?" I love how God answers our prayers. The desires of our heart, the things in which He has placed within our heart... He is the manufacturer of my heart, no longer a heart of stone, but of flesh. It's a beautiful, complex heart. It senses God's presense and/or spirit. It knows His boundaries and where those boundaries have been placed. It belongs to Him. At this time it experiences less joy than sorrow, but I can handle that. I want to handle that. I want a heart for God.

A week after I was laid off at Teknotherm, I sent out a mass email to all my friends here and abroad. I wasn't surprised to hear from my former boss at Northwest University. Gayle managed the bookstore; I was her employee for a little over two years. She guided me through many difficult times and always had wise, Godly advise. Her advise was no different in her response to my email. She stated that jobs are plenty in Korea and that maybe I should consider teaching in Seoul for a year or two. Of course! Why hadn't I thought of that before? But it freaked me out just thinking about it. What about my family? My friends? What will they do without me? Wait..... Let's turn this around a bit. What will I do without them? I have concluded in the past couple months that I am not anyone's savior. I've pleaded with my father to become a Christian. He wants nothing to do with it. Yes, I have honestly felt that it is my role as a Christian and a son to become this sort of sentry for my father's wellbeing and salvation, as well as the rest of my family's salvation. What a crock of crap. As soon as I awoke from my delusion, I realized this: I cannot change anyone. I cannot save anyone. Only God can. Of course I will pray continually for my family, but what good am I warming a bench in Olympia? Olympia... I never thought I would move back to my hometown in a million years. But I had to. At first I moved back into my parents house. The pairing of my father and me is like matching mongoose with cobra. I am now residing at my grandmother's house, vacant since her passing away in March of 2007. I have old friends here, and I stare down old streets, old avenues, and old memories. I feel trapped, as if I have returned to a bathtub full of dirty water and been made to bathe in it for a time. My old friends tell me, "Olympia's not that bad, dude." It's not that though. I am restless. I have tasted the honey of traveling. I've been to many cool places. I am an explorer. Olympia's two lanes to Lacey and Tumwater have been explored way too often. Way too many memories. I need new memories from a new town. A new city. A new culture. A new society. And I need to experience it with the mercy that God has given me. I want to embrace a new society with a love that only God can generate. I am trying my best to explain this. But why eat at McDonalds when you can create something original and far more satisfying with the creativity and gifts that God has given you? I am SO tired of taking the easy way out, of the 9-5... I am restless for a new experience. And this is it.

So South Korea is my next venture. I attempted to teach there before, about three years ago. I decided not to go through with it due to the school I was to be employed at: blacklisted on the internet, i.e. a bad place to work. Now I look at the prospect of this new venture: I have friends over there (with whom are pastors). In turn they have 9 teachers in their congregation that know me by now (thanks Gayle) and are helping me with the process of employment. I am SO thankful I didn't go through with it last time. Yeah, yeah, hindsight is 20/20, but nonetheless, what good timing.

I'm excited. I'm sad, too. I'm sad that I will not get to see my family, especially my nephews, on a daily basis. But nonetheless, I think I'll be a bigger hero to them as I pursue this dream of mine. Moreover, there is no shame when you open up a note from God... it simply says, "I don't think you are going to fit here anymore." I love that. I love having a calling. I love how concrete it is. It's not safe by any means, but it is a commission by Him. It is of the highest calling. If any of you lack that in your life, I certainly know how you feel. It sucks! A person with no vision has no hope. But with Christ, we have an author for our life. As Psalm 20:4 states:

May he grant you your heart's desire and fulfill all your plans.

Word.

Please be advised that I will be documenting my entire stay there with pics, video, and email. I invite you all to not only travel with me via the internet, but do this also in spirit and prayer. Pray for Seoul. It is a very materialistic society, very much devoid of the Christian faith. They need Jesus. That's why Dr. Dwayne and Gayle Turner are pastoring there, and that is why I am going. Teaching will be my job. My Christian faith is and always will be my destiny and life. I am glad you can (hopefully) share with me the joy in all of this.

Blessings,
Chad.